The biggest thing I have hanging over me right now is National Board.
It is something I had thought about doing for a long time. It just never seemed like the right time. I’ve had several teacher friends complete National Board Certification and they all spoke to how much it helped them focus on and improve instruction. It sounded relevant and meaningful. So when a friend and colleague earned NBCT and wanted to bring the opportunity to us at school and held a meeting last spring to have a cohort at our building, I figured that I was finally in the right place at the right time.
Let’s fast-forward to March 12, 2019. I have my giant National Board binder on my coffee table spilling it’s contents out because even this giant binder can’t hold everything I need. I have a reader waiting for me to send her my written commentary for Components 2 and 4 by April 20th. Then I have to get back her feedback, and revise and finish both components to be submitted in mid-May.
I have writer’s block. I keep staring at my written commentary and adding things, then deleting. I read the requirements over and over and over and second guess myself. As the days go by, I’m losing my grip on everything I had straight in my head about the whole process. I’ve never failed at something like this, but I’m worried that I might. I’m at the point where I don’t even know if I even understand everything I have to explain. And the more freaked out I get about the looming deadline, the less I want to do the work.
I’m a procrastinator. I work best under pressure, though I may be a terrible bear as deadlines and due-dates get closer. I historically do my best work when I have very little time. But I’m worried that a lifetime of honing my procrastination skills is not going to be enough to finish this in the way it needs to be finished.